i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
