I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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