That's when you crack a 10am beer
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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