Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
