since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
