I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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