I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
