I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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