Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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