And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
