The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My pussy is not your playground.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This is the high leading the old right now
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
