I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
