I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
