Someone shit on the floor
we made out on top of his cat.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
