I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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