I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
