Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
