I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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