I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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