fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
