I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
