RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
