he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
