Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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