I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
