Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
