if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
