my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
