the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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