i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
