Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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