Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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