I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize