he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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