im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Naked. naked and bneed help.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
