you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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