I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
