Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize