Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they need to just BURY HIM!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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