Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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