they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
