I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
