if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
