apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
