Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
