fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
