Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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