Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
