who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You took a bar mat shot.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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