Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
