How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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