i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We have started to decorate penises.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
