Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
