I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
