Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
