butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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