I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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