I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just found puke in my bra..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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