Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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