We're facebook friends in real life
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
