stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
