I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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