sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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