mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
