If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
