Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
