I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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