easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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