peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
and you fell through a lawn chair
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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