i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
