She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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