i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
